A Trip to Nowhere
by Megzy987
Summary: When the gang is taken on a relaxing trip to New York City, will the fun be interrupted?
1. Chapter One: Announcement, Announcement

Hey everyone! Alright, this is mine and -cough- my brother's -cough- newest story! He and I both wrote it, edited it, and so on. Please be warned - there is language. Also, the story features myself, and my brother as South Park characters, him Kyle, and me Megz. (Of course). Enjoy, and reviews would be appreciated.

-Megz & Kyle

* * *

"Alright, boys and girls! Your attention, please!" Mr. Herbert Garrisson cried over the crowded auditorium of South Park Elementary students.

It was the last day of school in South Park, Colorado, and the students at South Park Elementary could not be any happier. I mean, who wouldn't be happy that school would be out in a matter of a half and hour?

Mr. Garrisson said again, "Your attention..." He paused, and looked down at Mr. Hat. "Mr. Hat, care to bring our school to attention?" The grey haired man asked his puppet companion, and upon hearing the puppet cry out, the auditorium was silent.

"HEY ALL OF YOU BASTARDS, SHUT THE HELL UP!" Mr. Hat, (or rather Mr. Garrisson) cried out to the audience.

"Dude..." Stanley Marsh said quietly, sitting in a seat close to the front with his friends Eric Cartman, Kenny McCormick, and Kyle Brovolaski. But, I guess you really couldn't count the obese, rude, jew-hating Cartman as a friend of any of the three boys.

Though, two new friends were sitting in between Stan and Kyle. Megz M., the 6th grade babysitter of Stan and the rest of the gang, and Kyle M., who he and Megz's family were friends with Stan's, the 8th grader being a good friend of Stan as well.

Continuing, Mr. Garrisson adjusted the microphone. "Alright, now that I have your attention, I'd like to take some time to make announcements."

"BORING!" Cartman shouted from the front row, his raspy voice ringing through the close-to silent auditorium.

Mr. Garrisson made a face, and continued. "OKAY, then, students. As I was SAYING, I have a few announcements to make regarding the annual 'School's Out' field trip." Mr. Garrisson paused. "In just a week, our entire school will be taking a trip to the lovely New York City, New York!"

"Kick ass." Cartman whispered, smiling.

"We'll climb the Statue Of liberty, See the Chrysler Building, The Empire State Building..."

Mr. Garrisson was interrupted by Stan. "Cartman's so fat he could climb up the E.S.B. like that giant monkey did!"

Everyone laughed.

Cartman, on the other hand, was pissed off. "Oh shut up ya' Dildo!"

"Stan's not a dildo. But you _are_ a fat ass." Kyle B. commented, him, Stan, and Kenny laughing quietly.

"Nobody asked you, stupid Jew." Cartman murmered, frowning like usual.

Mr. Garrisson spoke up,"You mean 'King Kong', Stanley. And boys, please don't use that language in school!"

Cartman turned away from his 'friends' in his broken-by-weight chair, along with Stan and Kyle B. doing the same.

"Anyway, students, please remember to pack only necessary items on this trip, clothes, tolietries, etc. And _please_ do not pack extra food. All meals will be provided, and upon our trip to 'Camp Raccoon,' we now know why food is not allowed in the cabins...or anywhere." The man leaned over and whispered to Mr. Hat, "You can never be too careful!"

Kyle M. leaned over to Kenny, aswell. "Yeah, remember when that rabid Raccoon attacked Cartman for _his _food?" He and Kenny laughed silently, unheard by Cartman.

Cartman's face scrunched, Camp Raccoon being the worst trip ever.

"Okay, and also..." Mr. Garrission started.

Soon, the bell rang, and the students were in an uproar.

"LETS GET READY TO PAAAR-TAAAAAAY!" Cartman yelled, the other children cheering.

* * *

A week later (and the night before the big trip) at Kyle B.'s house, Kyle and the rest of the gang (except Megz, who was at Soccer Practice), were playing the "Okama Game Sphere: Terrence & Phillip Version X" and eating Cheesy Poofs with Cream Soda to go along with it.

While playing the game, (his hands a mach speed), Kyle B. said to Kyle M., "Kyle you need to press '6' and hold '2' and 'RED' to do a summersalt!"

"Oh I thought it was '9' and 'BLUE'!" Kyle M. responded, pressing his keys correctly this time.

Kyle B. looked over slightly. "No, that's the long jump."

Mrs. Brovolaski walked into the room, looking at the wall clock as she did so. As the kids continued to play, Mrs. B. pointed to the gang (not including her son). "You kids need to go home and get to bed for your trip!" She said, nodding.

"Oh come on, Mom," Kyle B. remarks, "It's only 9:30!"

Behind him, Cartman stuffed more Cheesy Poofs into his giant mouth, and replied, "Yeah, I mean really, who actually goes to bed at 9:30?" He continued to play the game, eating more Cheesy Poofs.

"No, dude," Stan said, putting the game on pause, "She's right. You don't want to miss anything in New York tomorrow. See Ya!" His friend replied, getting up from his place on the floor.

Cartman groaned, and followed, taking the Cheesy Poof bowl with him, while Kenny got up as well, each of them leaving the house.

As his mom left the room, Kyle B. was silent "They are just mad cause I was beating the shit out of them."

An hour later at the Mark house, Kyle M. and Megz were walking to their rooms, shutting off lights as they went.

Just as he was getting to his room, Kyle's walkie-talkie rang. "_Stan Marsh to Kyle M., Come in Kyle!"_

Taking the 'mini radio' out of his pajama pocket, Kyle M. replied, "Kyle here, what's up?"

"Okay, dude," Stan said, packing his bag at his own house on the other line, "I think I've got everything...Sleeping bag?"

"Check," Kyle M. replied, looking through his own bag.

"Okama Game Portable?"

"Cheeeck." He replied.

"Tampons," Cartman joked, buzzing into the three-way frequency.

"Che - wait!" Kyle M. remarked, his brow dropping.

Stan's own brow furrowed. "Cartman!"

On his own end of the line, Cartman let out a raspy snicker.

"Oh yeah," Kyle M. remarked, "Be sure to not leave your 'Blue's Clues' Big-Boypanties behind!"

Stan laughed, as Cartman screamed through the radio. "I told you it was Butters', He left it at my house!"

In the background, Cartman's mom's voice called, "Oh Eric, Sweetie, I ironed your favorite 'Blue's Clues' undies for your trip!"

A sudden silence came over the three, until the silence was broken by Kyle M. and Stan erupting with laughter.

Kyle M. switched off the radio, still chuckling to himself. Packing the rest of his bag, Kyle turned off his bedside light, crawling into the covers.

It was until just two minutes that his radio switched on. "Tampons!" Cartman shouted, still thinking that the joke was funny.

Since the radio was so loud, a very tired, and aggrivated Megz ran into Kyle M.'s room. Taking the radio into her grasp, she stated sternly, "..That go up your ass, Fat boy, I'm trying to sleep." Still with a tired, emotionless face, shehanded the radio back to her brother.

"You kick ass, Megz!" Kyle M. said to her. "I try." She responded, shrugging as she walked back to her own room.


	2. Chapter Two: Departure

The alarm beeped on Stan's clock the next morning, as he shut it off with a slam. Realizing he only had half an hour to get ready, the raven-haired boy jumped out of bed, and ran towards the bathroom. Brushing his teeth, he quickly ran downstairs, now with his clothes on, and duffel bag swung around his shoulders. Grabbing a quick breakfast of a granola bar, Stan piled into the car, only to find that Kenny, Stan, Kyle M., Megz, Kyle B., and Cartman were getting a ride with him to the buses.

After a 15 minute ride of nothing but "This trip is going to so kick ASS!", the gang filed out of the car, Cartman being so big getting stuck, then pushed hard enough to fall into the snow.

"COMMON, BUZZARDS WERE RUNNIN' LATE!" Miss. Crabtree screamed to the children, as they made there way to the dirty-yellow bus.

Kyle M. Murmured, "Yeah what ever you say, bitch!" He frowned, glaring at her.

"WHAT DID YOU SAYYYY?" The driver replied, angrier then ever to have to get up on a Saturday at 6:00am.

"I said, 'I'm nervous, so I twitch.'" Kyle M. said quickly, taking a seat on the bus.

"Oh... Okay fine."

Once everyone got into their seats, Kyle M. sitting with Kyle B., Cartman sitting with Kenny, and Megz sitting with Stan, Mr. Mackie stood up."Now class," Mr. Mackie announced to the kids, "Be sure to have your tickets, and carry-ons with you at all times at the airport, m'kay?"

"SIT DOWN!" Demanded Miss Crabtree to Mr. Mackie.

His wrinkled face showed a frown. "But I'm a chaperone, m'kay?

"DO YOU WANT AN OFFICE REPORT?" Miss. Crabtree erupted, her face looking like she was a mad woman.

"No!"

"THEN SIT THE HELL DOWN!" She pointed, teeth gritted.

The bus ride to the airport was...interesting. Cartman stole candy from the 2nd graders, Kyle M. and Kyle B. talked about various subjects of interest, and Stan kept staring at Megz the entire ride. Kenny almost died - again, and aside from what usually goes on, Miss Crabtree was so pissed that she crashed the bus into an air port cop car, while trying to park.. While she was arrested, the class got their boarding passes.

"Name?" asked the teller. "Herbert Garrisson!" Mr. Garrisson stated.

The teller nodded. "Oh you're the 'IT' guy!"

"Yeah..." Mr. Garrisson said quietly. He felt unhappy being reminded about his downfall.

The rest of the kids recived their passes, and were waiting at Gate 15B to board the plane to New York.

"Where's Cartman?" Kyle B. asked, checking his watch that read 7:48am. "We have only 12 minutes until we board...that asshole."

"He said he was going to get a bag of Cheesy Poofs." Stan answered.

Cartman entered the Gate three minutes later, with 20 or 30 bags of Cheesy Poofs at hand.

"I thought you were going to get a bag!" Kyle M. said to him, crossing his arms.

Cartman rolled his eyes. "Shut up," Cartman muttered as he joined the rest who were already getting there passes verified.

On the plane about nine minutes later, the gang were lucky to get some seats on the front. Though, the people you sat with, weren't exactly your favorites.

"Alright, children, I have here your seating arrangements. So, if you are not sitting in the seat you are assigned, you will have to move, m'kay?" Mr. Mackie announced.

Megz, sitting beside her brother, crossed her arms. "I better get one of you to sit with."

Kyle M. smiled, shaking his head. "Don't sweat it, sis. I'm sure you and I will be together."

"I can't believe I got stuck with you!" The brunette said angrily, glaring toward the kid she hated most. Cartman.

Cartman, opening one of the countless bags of Cheesy Poofs he had recently purchased, seemed to care less. He offered one to Megz

"Cheesy Poof?" He asked, holding it in front of her face.

"Gee, Cartman this isn't like you."

Megz reached for the bag, but the fat ass Cartman snatched it away. "Well tough shit, loser!"

This made Megz very pissed, as she punched him hard in the stomach as he was laughing.

Cartman gagged, "AKK that...wasn't...cough... fu...n-n-y!"

"Kick ass, Megz!" Stan remarked to her dreamily, smiling.

Mr. Mackie was giving instructions on airplane safety. "Now in the event of a water landing you can use your seat cushions as flotation devices!...m'kay?"

Cartman was eating loudly and in an inappropriate behavior.

"Eric, are you listening?" Mr. Mackie asked.

"Yeah I was listening," He replied, his fingers and face coated with cheesy powder.

"You were not," Megz shouted. You're just eating your stupid Cheesy Poofs!"

Later while the plane was in the air, Chef was serving snacks to the passengers. "Only if I'm getting paid!" He would always say to the attendant.

Cartman asked for more peanuts.

"I'm not giving you any more!" Chef stated to him.

"Why the hell not?" Cartman asked. After his question Cartman broke the plane seat with is wide hips.

Across the aisle, Kyle B. smirked. "Fat ass," Kyle B. laughed to Cartman.

"Shut up, you're being totally immature." Cartman said as he finished his soda and threw the can over his shoulder and landed on Butters' head.

"OUCH!" The blonde boy cried, throwing the can back.


	3. Chapter Three: An Unexpected Turn

The plane has flown over Colorado and was flying over California a couple of hours later. While flying into the Kansas area, a storm started to close in on the plane. Wind and rain buffeted the plane, as Clyde looked out his passenger window in wonder.

"Uh...guys?" Clyde asked to his friends around him. "Look outside." The boy said with fear.

Many of the students around him turned their heads in the direction of their windows, shocked looks coming to their faces.

The navigating gear had failed as well, and little did the pilot know they were turning around and heading to California. The plane begun to shake and the cabin lights begun to dim and flash. The "FASTEN SEATBELT" sign lit up and the pilot told the passengers to stay calm and that they are going to be crash landing somewhere near Kansas.

Cartman begun to moan loudly and cry (which started a mass panic in the plane.)

Mr. Mackie spoke up. "SHUT UP! Every thing will be fine, m'kay? The kids were quiet until a lightning bolt struck the right wing and blew it up.

"We're screwed!" Craig said to Stan.

All the kids begun to scream and started running around the aisle. Megz stayed at her seat and prayed.

"What morons," She whispered to herself, "Not even asking for forgiveness."

As the plane continued to fall apart and fly (or fall) to downward, Kyle M. and Stan got so panicked and ran towards the Pilot's closet, picking out all the parachutes they could behind the cowering Pilot.

"Kyle what the Hell are you doing?" Cartman asked.

"I'm praying for forgiveness you fat dick!" Kyle B. answered, as he was kneeling and praying in hebrew.

"No, Jew, I'm talking about the other Kyle!" he yelled back. Kyle M. opened the exit door and threw Stan out.

Stan screamed loudly, flying with a parachute backpack behind his back.

"Jesus Christ!" Kyle B. Shouted as Stan screamed down and deployed the chute.

Kyle M. screamed, "I'm getting the Hell out of here!" He threw Cartman, Kyle B., Kenny and then told Megz to come with him. They both jumped out of the plane, each one of them screaming.

"Sweet Christ, Herbert!" Mr. Mackie said to Mr. Garrisson, back on the plane. He got out of his seat and put on his coat and a chute-pack. "I'm going with those children, Mr. Garrisson." He said, "If the plane lands and you guys live call my cell and let me know m'kay?"

The Co Pilot and the flight attendant tried to stop him. "Sir you have to stay in the plane!" They shouted.

But Mr. Mackie broke free and jumped off. "That Bitch - taking **my** chute-pack!" said the Pilot as he closed the door.

The kids watched the smoking aircraft hurtle towards the ground below, all with surprised faces.

Mr. Mackie was starting to safely land, about 20 minutes ago, but he was many miles from the kids. Picking up his

back pack and taking out his U.S. map, Mr. Mackie's brow furrowed. "Hmmm," he said as he gazed at the paper, "Desert setting,... incredibly hot temperature,... m'kay, I must be at Death Valley, CA. I should find the children and get to civilization." He started his hunt.

Meanwhile, the kids were going nuts about what just happened. Cartman was moaning like a dying cat, Kyle B. was praying in Hebrew, and Megz and Kyle M. were trying to calm themselves down. Stan and Kenny were still dizzy from the rough landing, and really had no idea what was going on.

"Alright, you guys." Kyle M. started.

But, nobody heard him, except Megz standing right next to him.

Kyle M. frowned. " I _said_, **alright you guys!**"

Still, nobody hear him.

"**EVERYBODY LISTEN UP**!" Megz cried, everyone stopping what they were doing to turn their attention to Megz.

"Thank you." Kyle M. said to his sister, while she simply nodded. "Okay, I know that what had just happened has had everyone in peril, but, we need to calm down."

"We also," Kyle B. commented, "need to get Cartman to stop howling like a perverted dog!"

Kenny shook his head "He sounded more like a dying, retarded cat!" He said under his coat, Kyle B. and Kenny laughing.

"Eey!" The fat boy cried, "Shut up, Jew!" He said to Kyle B. "And YOU!" Cartman pointed at Kenny. "You poor little ass, shut up as well!"

Megz rolled her eyes, as Kyle M. continued. "Guys, stop. We need to figure out how to get out of here - together!"

Stan nodded. "Yeah, we need to stop worrying about other stupid problems."

"Alright," Kyle M. said, "Let's go - we need to find civilization!"

Kyle M. lead the gang in the north direction, sadly, facing the boiling hot sun.


End file.
